This post is for self.
I want to know what I want from myself. A very harsh statement indeed for after so many years of writing I still don’t have a clue where to start from. It seems like my think tank fuel has come to a halt or I might be redirecting it elsewhere. Whatever be the case, I can concentrate on one thing at a time. Since corona time my writing career has taken a back seat. Its not that I am not writing anymore. I am. Everyday. Little by little. But I am not taking the pain to publish it. It is so fearful. Like my fingers freeze the moment I choose the publish button. Why this ambiguity? Maybe it is the fear of being judged. Of late this syndrome is taking a toll on me. People’s reaction. It was something that never bothered me earlier. I was always doing what my heart wanted me to do. However, now I have started pondering whether it will be wise enough to go ahead or not. As if waiting for someone’s approval. But it never came. And my ideas kept taking back seat. Is this the way I dream of 2023?
No I don’t think so.
This year I have promised myself a lot of things and my books is certainly on top of my priority list. I have a couple of them that are waiting to see the light of the day. My books are me and I can’t let me die so soon so easily. Let me tell you about my writings.
I love writing for those who are unheard of , uncared, emotionally deprived, with a huge turmoil inside, those who don’t voice their pains. Yes I write pain. Pain that aches the soul even if the wound outside has healed. There still remains a scar. That pain one goes through every night when they finally get off to sleep. When they have just themselves to speak to. Just them to hear.
Even if you are surrounded by people, even if you are are sound professionally, even if you are a public figure, even if you are the topic of all the gossip, the moment you hit your pillow it’s just you and your soul, a soul session. Where nothing is veiled and your wounds are as naked as they have always been. A pain that doesn’t let you sleep at night. A pain that always take you back to it’s origin every damn night. You struggle alone every night for it to be over. Only to relive it the next night.
I want to write about it. I have written about it. I am writing about it.
You can portray to be very strong to world but you are a helpless child within, looking for warmth, looking for a secure home and happiness. I want to be there for you. I want to write for you. I want to share this pain to the world. Maybe it gets a chance to get healed.
My upcoming work is
MIRROR 2
50, Love and Relationship Quotes & other stories.
Due in February 2023. Stay tuned for more.
Paromita Goswami 