Who am I? (World Alzheimer’s Day)

On the occasion of WORLD ALZHEIMER DAY I chose to share with you this incident that has changed my life forever.

I didn’t even know there was a medical term associated with it until I experienced it with my daddy. The man who taught me to walk, talk, read, write, story telling, knitting, badminton, chess, carom board, card games like fish, rummy, puploo, sweep, bluff, cycling and the list goes on. In short he taught me how to survive in this world had suffered from Alzheimer for a couple of years until we lost him forever. The tragedy was I had no clue he was going through this until he disappeared from our life for a day. It was the most heart wrenching day of my life. He went shopping with my husband and just before reaching home got down from the car saying he would walk his way home as he wanted to get some samsosas for all of us at home. Since out home wasn’t very far my husband left him in the market. It was almost an hour and daddy didn’t come home. We waited for him desperately thinking he must me on his way walking slowly. Never once the thought cross our mind that he might lost his way home. By four in the evening when he didn’t return I was panic stricken. It was almost four hours now. We didn’t waste time and went to file a missing complaint at the police station. They refused saying we had to wait for twenty four hours. Tears never stopped rolling down my eyes as I looked for my daddy on the street. In our neighbourhood everybody had seen him walking but nobody knows which way he went. After buying samosas for us he walked down the lane to our house but seems like he took a wrong turn and lost the path. We spent that awful night in the house without him . It was so distressful for my whole family. Early morning the next day we went to the police station and lodged a missing complaint and even ran a missing person advertisement on tv channel but we didn’t get any clue. The entire day we spent running from hospital to hospital, bus station, railway station looking for him. We were new in the city and didn’t know anyone. So emotionally, mentally, physically we were drained completely. God was our only solace. I was praying for him every second.

He was seventy four years old and was recovering from a long illness when this happened. His treatment left him short tempered and very moody. We lived in a rented two bedroom house and he didn’t like it. I was sure he was punishing us for it. I just wanted to meet him and ask him why he was doing this to us. I had no clue that his brain was degenerating every single day little by little. He was losing his memory every day. He was losing himself with each passing day and this was like a slow poison.

Now as I look back in time I find traces of his memory loss since the last couple of years. He forgot his apartment number. He forgot to wear his shoes when going out. He always took time to recognize us. He tried hard to remember what he had eaten in his meals. He was always lost in his own thoughts. He forgot to write, to read, to ask for food, to ask for help. He became a child, a toddler dependent on his care giver, me.

However, at that time I overlooked these incidents. I was hell worried for him and wondered where he had disappeared without telling me a thing. Later by the evening I got a call on his mobile. I thought one of his friend must be calling and I was in no mood to entertain the man on the other end of the call. But the man surprised me saying that Daddy was with him and he was safe. He was calling from an N.G.O, Badte Kadam who help the elderly and is very actively involved in social causes in the city. When one of the police man saw Daddy, a miserable old man on the street, he called them up thinking another family had abandoned their old man on street. Badte Kadam brought daddy to their ashram and treated him well. They had no means to reach us as Daddy wasn’t able to give our address. He wasn’t even carrying any identity card with him nor his mobile to give them any clue. He remembered only my name. Luckily my dad was carrying his ATM card and a ATM slip while shopping with my husband the previous day. With the help of these two they traced his phone number and called . Luckily the mobile was with me at that time. We rushed in to the ashram to meet him and it was a teary reunion. I took him to doctor the next day as I found bruises in his arms and legs. There I was advised to meet a neurologist who informed me my daddy was suffering from Alzheimer and this incident had triggered it towards the worse.

Alzheimer stage one

Here are the five stages of Alzheimer –

There are five stages associated with Alzheimer’s disease: preclinical Alzheimer’s disease, mild cognitive impairment due to Alzheimer’s disease, mild dementia due to Alzheimer’s disease, moderate dementia due to Alzheimer’s disease and severe dementia due to Alzheimer’s disease

We had no knowledge of the disease in the first three stages though we got the clues. And the incident pushed my daddy’s condition to the last phase where we lost him completely. In a few months he was bed ridden and then left us for the heavenly abode. Even while he was suffering he was teaching me. My best teacher in the world. Since his demise I became more inclined towards helping the seniors. Understanding their needs and Alzheimer.

Alzheimer stage five

It’s not easy to handle an Alzheimer patient. I salute those who do.

I just request my readers that if you happen to come across any old person wandering alone in the street please stop by to talk to him. Maybe he had lost his way home and doesn’t even know how to ask for help.

From The Book: Mirror – Self help motivational (New Release)

There is always something to share in everyone’s life. I am glad I wrote this book to let you all know how I feel when I am at the bottom of my life and how I manage to rise up again. Maybe we share something in common. Check out my new book and let me know how you feel about it.

The Blurb

The success lies in never giving up your goal whatever be the situation. Our failure is our testing time. It questions us if we are on the right path or not.
My inspiration in writing motivational and relationship book is from my own experiences in life. My life has been an intense emotional roller coaster ride that brought me closer to my actual soul calling, spreading positive vibes and healing. Frankly, I saw myself in many of my friends, family and even people whom I didn’t know. The suffering was the same everywhere.
This book is a small attempt to show that you are not alone in such a situation and with self healing tables can be turned.

You can checkout the book here getbook.at/mirror

This book talks about #mentalhealth issues and how to heal our self.

New Release Book – MIRROR (self help motivational book)

Name of the book: Mirror

Author: Paromita Goswami

Genre : Selfhelp, motivational, non-fiction, short read

Publisher : Ficus India Books

The Blurb

The success lies in never giving up your goal whatever be the situation. Our failure is our testing time. It questions us if we are on the right path or not.
My inspiration in writing motivational and relationship book is from my own experiences in life. My life has been an intense emotional roller coaster ride that brought me closer to my actual soul calling, spreading positive vibes and healing. Frankly, I saw myself in many of my friends, family and even people whom I didn’t know. The suffering was the same everywhere.
This book is a small attempt to show that you are not alone in such a situation and with self healing tables can be turned.

You can checkout the book here getbook.at/mirror

This book talks about #mentalhealth issues and how to heal our self.

Book Spotlight: Mirror by Paromita Goswami

Hey guys very happy to announce that my new book is now live and available for download on Amazon.

Name of the book : Mirror

Author : Paromita Goswami

Genre : Selfhelp, motivational, non-fiction, short read

Publisher : Ficus India Books

The Blurb :

The success lies in never giving up your goal whatever be the situation. Our failure is our testing time. It questions us if we are on the right path or not.
My inspiration in writing motivational and relationship book is from my own experiences in life. My life has been an intense emotional roller coaster ride that brought me closer to my actual soul calling, spreading positive vibes and healing. Frankly, I saw myself in many of my friends, family and even people whom I didn’t know. The suffering was the same everywhere.
This book is a small attempt to show that you are not alone in such a situation and with self healing, the tables can be turned.

Add the book to goodreads

Read for #free on #kindleUnlimited

Buying link

About the author

Paromita Goswami is a writer and storyteller by passion and a rebel by choice. She says the world is full of stories and as a writer she loves to pen them down. Her work is not genre specific. From literary fiction to children book to paranormal thriller and women fiction Paromita Goswami’s books offer the variety of life to her readers. This is her first attempt in self help motivational and inspirational book aimed at self healing.

 Besides writing, she loves singing and also organizes events for social welfare and cultural benefits for the community. She also hosts programs for all India radio.  She lives in Raipur, Chhattisgarh with her big family consisting of furry babies and humans.

Stalk her @

Website – paromitagoswami.wordpress.com

Insta – @goswami.paromita

Twitter – @authorparomita

Goodreads – Paromita Goswami

Facebook page – Author Paromita

#AtoZChallenge 2022 Reflection

This year I chose a very different topic for my blogging challenge #mentalhealthissues. This is something which I haven’t done before. Earlier I did fiction only. Non-fiction is my first attempt. As far as my blog footfall is concerned I wouldn’t say I got a huge response however, the people or rather the readers who connected with me were genuine people. It’s an issue which still needs attention. Here is the list of topics I covered in my blogging challenge

During my blogging challenge tour I did come across a few very nice blogs. I would like to mention them

https://prernanayak.blogspot.com/

https://tossingitout.blogspot.com/

http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.com/

https://itsphblog.wordpress.com/

And here is my winner badge.

Do stay with me for my upcoming book on #selfhelp #motivation. Cover reveal will be announced very soon. Thanks for your support.

Z – Zero (AtoZBloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

Has this word ever pinched you? This is one word that can shatter your self-confidence to pieces. Consciously or unconsciously usage of this one word for anyone can ruin the person. So be very cautious of what you speak or write. When someone idealizes a person and that person doesn’t live up to the expectation they are bound to turn zero from hero. The difference can be a matter of just one letter however, it is someone’s world turned upside down.

People cherish when they get attention. However, sustaining this attention requires hard work. Some people love doing the hard work and some don’t. There are a few who expect the same attention without doing anything. These are the people who are born zero however, sometimes they are worshipped like a hero. Such people should be shown the mirror even if it means acting as an eye opener.  Maybe they change for good or at least they won’t be ever idealized.

And those who are born hero yet never considered one should be dug out from their dungeons and given the due respect and attention. Those are the people who should be idealized. They are consistent in their job and never expect anything in return. Also sometimes there are zeros who turn out to be hero in later years of their life. These people should level up their efforts for a long run otherwise the way downhill is pretty easy.

My local guardian was one such person. All his life he did nothing for anyone, not even his family, yet he holds a very high respect in their eyes just because of his position in the family. When I visited their house I was irritated beyond words looking at the kind of treatment this gentleman received from his family. He would never touch his plate while eating (You have to ensure that he is at ease with it), he will never ask for any helping (You have to keep a watchful eye on his plate and refill it immediately), he will never say upfront what he wants (You have to intuitively know it and get it for him), He will never spend money on anyone in the family (You have to tag him along like a hand bag where ever you go, You can’t leave him behind) and the list goes endless. And yes the one that I missed before that I so much want to mention he won’t sit in a chair without his favourite cushion and if the cushion is not there he won’t even look for it and lay it down. That part is the job of the family. All he will do is keep standing in front of the chair and give it a longing look.

My soul was screaming as long as I stayed in that house. Surely this man did some good karmas in his previous life that he was worshipped like a god in this lifetime.

My mantra, “If you want to be my hero prove yourself. Shit is not accepted here.”

X – Xtreme (AtoZbloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

When should one call it quits? When should one call it Xtreme? When should one finally say “I am done”? It ain’t so easy for many of us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it that we are inviting such people in our life who would take advantage of us. And even after realizing we do nothing about it and remain a doormat to their abuse. Why?

Maybe we are afraid to take the step. Maybe we are afraid to resist the ongoing abuse. Maybe we are not even aware of it until someone points it to us. I think, making boundaries is very important in life. At least you will know when it is crossed and that way one can take a step to rectify the intrusion. That way one doesn’t have to wait for the xtreme to happen.

Mental health is a hush hush affair in our society even today. People still stare at, if someone discloses visiting a psychiatrist. However, the same doesn’t happen if one is visiting a physician. What makes it so unacceptable ? Anybody can have a mental breakdown. So why this attitude towards the person. Rather providing support we show sympathy and then whisper behind their back. I have seen the life of such people when they have reached beyond the Xtreme. It’s a point of no return and yet everyone expects them to behave properly or mock at them.

As a child I have seen my uncle’s wife lose her sanity. No my uncle was not abusive and nor was his family and yet his wife completely lost it one day. Miraculously she even gave birth to a healthy child after a year. During those days mental illness was a very hush hush affair. If people came to know about it then the family would become a laughing stock of the town. So my uncle started her treatment at home. She was kept in isolation and not allowed to meet anyone. Not even her child. Once when I visited their house I tip toed to her room and looked through the window.

She was sitting on the floor looking at the dressing mirror. Her long hair was left loose that fell on the floor haphazardly. She wore a crushed simple cotton saree. A red bindi on her forehead and a line of vermilion on her hair partition marked her social status brilliantly. Apart from a pair of red and white bangles that is worn by married Bengali woman she wore no other jewellery. Even in this condition, she looked no less than a land lady. Her aura was very captivating. She was one of the most beautiful lady in the family. Nobody could make out she had lost her mind unless they saw her talking to herself for hours looking in the mirror.  

Now when I think about it I feel pity for her. She is long dead. But as long as she lived both she and her family had to face the issue. Sometimes humiliation, sometimes sympathy and sometimes non acceptance. Maybe her condition deteriorated because of non-treatment. However, has the condition changed even today. My cousin had a big problem getting married because of his mother’s illness. Are we still waiting for the xtreme to happen or we can start working when we first notice it.

W – Wreak (AtoZbloggingchallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

People are sometimes on self-sabotage mode due to the mental wreak they are going through. This impact cannot be explained as to why this tendency happens. Most of the time it is seen in people who have attachment issues. Sometimes these people punish themselves subconsciously for the wrong done to them. And in the process they self-sabotage their relationship or their career or whatever they hold dear to them just to punish themselves.

This is an indication of childhood trauma. These people have the tendency to be clingy for emotional support and comfort. Even if they are grownups they crave the attention like a child. Want to be appreciated, want to be supported, want to be pampered, want to be cared for and the list goes on. In short, they need someone to attend to them 24X7. And if someone gives them this attention, which they crave so badly, they are completely in for the person. In fact, this turns out to be an obsession for them. They can chant the name of the person 24X7. It becomes a tiring job for the person sometimes and they can withdraw their support. The moment this individual senses it, panic creates havoc in their life and they end up doing things to get the attention back. As their last resort they self-sabotage the relationship which causes a domino effect that affects several other relationships somehow related to it.

Now the question is, how to handle this situation without losing your sanity. I mean, come on you can’t mother or father a grown up 24×7. You got your life too to take care off to. You too crave for attention, love and support. It’s natural for anybody to expect this in a relationship. And if you don’t get your needs met in your current relationship you are bound to look for it elsewhere.

 My cousin was facing a similar situation. No matter how hard he tried to be a care giver it was always not enough for his friend. In the end he was getting impatient and started spending time away from his friend. The moment his friend sensed it he was facing the venom of his friend’s anger. In the end the friend broke off to teach my cousin a lesson. My cousin was in for a shock. He didn’t know what to do next and went to his friend literally begging to return. This caused a severe blow to their relationship. It wasn’t the same anymore cause now the friend was at the upper hand and would hurt my cousin at the drop of a hat.

 I suggest in such a situation one must be tough. Attachment is the biggest devil in any relationship. It doesn’t allow to grow. Therefore, one should learn to be distant and yet giving in their relationship. This will ultimately help individual growth of both parties. Avoid this wreak as much as possible.

V- Vicious Circle (AtoZbloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

Look at the numerical eight closely. It’s actually two circles adjacent to each other meeting at a point. If you follow the path, no matter which way you take, you will always reach where you started from. This is vicious circle. It’s a loop.

Strange enough if you observe closely, sometimes you do feel that a particular incident has happened earlier too and it’s sort of repetition. Actually, it’s a pattern. If we expand our view a little more into the universe, then we know that all planets universe follows a specific path of their own. Similarly, each one of us behave in a certain way to a given situation. Every time the situation occurs we react in the similar manner. Probably, we don’t know how else to react in the given situation. And thus the consequence of our action is also similar. Unconsciously, we are repeating the same mistake we did earlier and as a consequence open the Pandora box of chain reaction as an aftermath. We unknowingly set up the loop and follow the same set of incident again and again. A vicious circle is thus created and the worst part is, we are part of it unaware. Instead of breaking free from it we keep going round and round with it like a merry-go-round.

It is Karma. Welcome it with open arms and get bashed at every step. Or else crack it down and minimize your karma. Because as long as you are in this viscous circle it’s very painful and toxic. If you want to enjoy the essence of life you got to break free of this vicious circle and lead a happy and healthy life instead. You deserve this happiness.

My friend was going through a similar situation. She was changing jobs very frequently. Her sticktivity was not more than a few months. No matter how hard she tried she would end up losing the job. She had gone so frustrated because of it. This was affecting her savings as well. From staying independently, she had squeezed into paying guest accommodation where she was sharing the room with two more girls. She craved for privacy but could not afford it. Her relationship of eight months with her boyfriend was slowly falling apart because of this. And this was her third relationship in five years.  Marriage was nowhere on cards for her at that time. She was so badly chained in the vicious circle. Hunting job, boyfriend, accommodation was all she was doing for the last couple of years. And the tragic part was she was behaving in the same manner all the while. I felt pity for her.

One day she broke down to me completely saying that she was tired of life. I heard alarm bells. I gave her my full attention for more than a month. Never let her alone. Always supported her, called her up, met her whenever needed. But then I realized this is what I have been doing for her since the last couple of years. I was always there for her whenever she felt miserable. She was banking upon me completely to get her out of this misery. And maybe this is the reason she isn’t changing her ways. She should get her shit together rather falling upon someone. When I realized this, I slowly withdrew my support. Initially she was terrified as hell. As if someone had pulled her out of life support. But soon she realized she had to act alone. And that’s when I saw her actually rectifying her mistakes. For the first time she was stable in a job for almost a year a half. It gave her lots of confidence and it made a difference to her life.

U – Unmask (AtoZbloggingchallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

We all wear mask to forge our actual self. We are at ease at home, professional at work, bindass with friends and similarly, act differently in different set up. For all occasions we have our mask on. In relationships too, we wear mask. In the beginning of the relationship, its different and when some time passes on and we are comfortable with each other then we wear a different mask. But then when do we really show our true self? The one that your soul craves for every time you put on the mask? The one that you don’t have to pretend to be. Just be yourself.

Unmasking yourself takes ounce of strength and hence it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. If you are not happy you need to say it, show it. Not hide behind a mask pretending it’s all fine when it’s not. How will you say to your boss that you are done with the job and ready to call it a day? Or your partner that now you are done with the role and now want to move on. Or to your parents that you are not interested in medical course and want to join photography course. No. It’s not easy.

However, its not impossible either. You need strength and the right words to put across your message to the person. Unmasking is important in life otherwise you will end living someone else’s life while you actually crave to have a life of your own throughout your life.

My boss and I grew up together in the organisation. Actually we started together and eventually got promoted in work. Since we had spent good amount of time together we kind of bonded very well. Like old friends. There were many instances when I found him seeking my advice on certain issues related to work as well as personal issues. I found him acting very different when we were together and when with other colleagues. He was acting more professional with them and it was hindering his rapport with them as a team leader. This was actually bad for team management.  As a result, his team was not performing that well as it should be. I suggested him, as a friend, to change his attitude towards his team mates.

It was then he told me that he was done with this job. He was tired of wearing the best professional mask and now wanted to let himself be free of the tag. He said he didn’t have the courage to say that he wanted to resign and open a restaurant instead that he had always dreamt of. I asked him what was stopping him from doing that. He replied it was “him”. He was afraid to show his real self to the world. He feared whether the world will accept him or not. Whether he will be successful or not. And this fear didn’t allow him to lose what he already has. He was afraid to face the unknown. And hence lived with the mask on, cribbing every day, every hour. Living a life of lies.