Excerpt : Mirror (Selfhelp motivation mental health issue)

Sharing with you all an excerpt from my new book MIRROR

“Don’t worry, brother. We are here. We will get you out of here in no time. Here, just hold my hand and come out,” said one of them.

 It was quite an assurance for the little frog in the hole. He jumped to hold his brother’s hand but could not reach it. He tried again but missed it. He gathered all his strength and tried again but to no avail. 

Another frog attempted to rescue him. “Here just catch hold of my leg buddy and I shall pull you out of here.”

Once more the frog attempted but failed. All the frogs outside tried to buck him up but the little frog failed them each time. Finally, the little frog sat down quietly, exhausted from trying. 

Meanwhile, the frogs outside started losing interest in the rescuing mission. Some of them had even gone back to play. However, a few remained there. They were thinking of ways to help their brother out when they heard the sound of an approaching motor. 

You can checkout the book here getbook.at/mirror

This book talks about #selfhelp #motivation #mentalhealth issues and how to heal our self.

Z – Zero (AtoZBloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

Has this word ever pinched you? This is one word that can shatter your self-confidence to pieces. Consciously or unconsciously usage of this one word for anyone can ruin the person. So be very cautious of what you speak or write. When someone idealizes a person and that person doesn’t live up to the expectation they are bound to turn zero from hero. The difference can be a matter of just one letter however, it is someone’s world turned upside down.

People cherish when they get attention. However, sustaining this attention requires hard work. Some people love doing the hard work and some don’t. There are a few who expect the same attention without doing anything. These are the people who are born zero however, sometimes they are worshipped like a hero. Such people should be shown the mirror even if it means acting as an eye opener.  Maybe they change for good or at least they won’t be ever idealized.

And those who are born hero yet never considered one should be dug out from their dungeons and given the due respect and attention. Those are the people who should be idealized. They are consistent in their job and never expect anything in return. Also sometimes there are zeros who turn out to be hero in later years of their life. These people should level up their efforts for a long run otherwise the way downhill is pretty easy.

My local guardian was one such person. All his life he did nothing for anyone, not even his family, yet he holds a very high respect in their eyes just because of his position in the family. When I visited their house I was irritated beyond words looking at the kind of treatment this gentleman received from his family. He would never touch his plate while eating (You have to ensure that he is at ease with it), he will never ask for any helping (You have to keep a watchful eye on his plate and refill it immediately), he will never say upfront what he wants (You have to intuitively know it and get it for him), He will never spend money on anyone in the family (You have to tag him along like a hand bag where ever you go, You can’t leave him behind) and the list goes endless. And yes the one that I missed before that I so much want to mention he won’t sit in a chair without his favourite cushion and if the cushion is not there he won’t even look for it and lay it down. That part is the job of the family. All he will do is keep standing in front of the chair and give it a longing look.

My soul was screaming as long as I stayed in that house. Surely this man did some good karmas in his previous life that he was worshipped like a god in this lifetime.

My mantra, “If you want to be my hero prove yourself. Shit is not accepted here.”

Y – Yearning (AtoZBloggingChallenge)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

“No matter what I do he will pop up in my head out of nowhere. I tried everything, from diverting my mind to relocating but the issue remains unchanged. As if this is the only person who can give me relief.”

These are the words someone shared on their facebook wall a couple of months back. I was very intrigued reading it. And I read the entire article. It was about a person who was obsessed with another person. The situation was so bad that the person had lost his sanity obsessing about the other person. I was wondering why are people obsessed? I soon got my answers.

Obsession occurs out of emotional deprivation. When someone doesn’t get what one seeks from the person they want it so badly from, they start stalking, fantasizing and even idealizing. The obsession can become a nightmare if not kept in check. We all fanaticize and idealize our favourite heroes. It’s pretty common trait among all human beings. However, the problem arises when things get out of control.

Someone can idealize a person so much that their life revolves around that person day and night. They forget everything else and are completely into that person. Eating them breathing them completely. It’s unhealthy habit. People can even start romanticizing their obsession and become a stalker. These habits can arise out of plain obsession or even due to some wrong done to them. In that case this can be very dangerous. Obsession always has a thin line between love and hate. And tragically the person himself isn’t aware when the line is crossed.  

Yearning for someone you love is always good. You show that you miss the person’s presence in your life and want them back. However, when this yearning becomes obsession it needs to be taken care of. Sending unlimited text messages, or phone calls, or blowing up their social media are all unhealthy forms of obsession. One must realize the outcome of such behaviour and control their actions. Otherwise there are many scenarios when the person ruins their life and social status because of their actions. Frankly, one cannot hide their feelings even if they want to in these scenarios. Therefore, it is very important to act maturely and take responsibility of their actions.

One of my friend was a victim of obsessive lover. They had a short time affair with no strings attached. They had already made it clear about it before entering the relationship. When my friend called it off her boyfriend wouldn’t take no for an answer. He started stalking her and pressurizing her to return to him. Initially, my friend was patient with him but soon she realized that it was going out of hands. She was already engaged to another guy by that time. So she started to avoid him completely. This triggered her boyfriend and he became overly obsessed with her. He even turned violent and abused her. In the end, my friend had to take help of the police. It was a nightmare for her that finally ended.

Yearning for the person you love shows you miss that person and want that person back in life as soon as possible. That’s pure love and should always be reciprocated by that lover.

X – Xtreme (AtoZbloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

When should one call it quits? When should one call it Xtreme? When should one finally say “I am done”? It ain’t so easy for many of us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it that we are inviting such people in our life who would take advantage of us. And even after realizing we do nothing about it and remain a doormat to their abuse. Why?

Maybe we are afraid to take the step. Maybe we are afraid to resist the ongoing abuse. Maybe we are not even aware of it until someone points it to us. I think, making boundaries is very important in life. At least you will know when it is crossed and that way one can take a step to rectify the intrusion. That way one doesn’t have to wait for the xtreme to happen.

Mental health is a hush hush affair in our society even today. People still stare at, if someone discloses visiting a psychiatrist. However, the same doesn’t happen if one is visiting a physician. What makes it so unacceptable ? Anybody can have a mental breakdown. So why this attitude towards the person. Rather providing support we show sympathy and then whisper behind their back. I have seen the life of such people when they have reached beyond the Xtreme. It’s a point of no return and yet everyone expects them to behave properly or mock at them.

As a child I have seen my uncle’s wife lose her sanity. No my uncle was not abusive and nor was his family and yet his wife completely lost it one day. Miraculously she even gave birth to a healthy child after a year. During those days mental illness was a very hush hush affair. If people came to know about it then the family would become a laughing stock of the town. So my uncle started her treatment at home. She was kept in isolation and not allowed to meet anyone. Not even her child. Once when I visited their house I tip toed to her room and looked through the window.

She was sitting on the floor looking at the dressing mirror. Her long hair was left loose that fell on the floor haphazardly. She wore a crushed simple cotton saree. A red bindi on her forehead and a line of vermilion on her hair partition marked her social status brilliantly. Apart from a pair of red and white bangles that is worn by married Bengali woman she wore no other jewellery. Even in this condition, she looked no less than a land lady. Her aura was very captivating. She was one of the most beautiful lady in the family. Nobody could make out she had lost her mind unless they saw her talking to herself for hours looking in the mirror.  

Now when I think about it I feel pity for her. She is long dead. But as long as she lived both she and her family had to face the issue. Sometimes humiliation, sometimes sympathy and sometimes non acceptance. Maybe her condition deteriorated because of non-treatment. However, has the condition changed even today. My cousin had a big problem getting married because of his mother’s illness. Are we still waiting for the xtreme to happen or we can start working when we first notice it.

W – Wreak (AtoZbloggingchallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

People are sometimes on self-sabotage mode due to the mental wreak they are going through. This impact cannot be explained as to why this tendency happens. Most of the time it is seen in people who have attachment issues. Sometimes these people punish themselves subconsciously for the wrong done to them. And in the process they self-sabotage their relationship or their career or whatever they hold dear to them just to punish themselves.

This is an indication of childhood trauma. These people have the tendency to be clingy for emotional support and comfort. Even if they are grownups they crave the attention like a child. Want to be appreciated, want to be supported, want to be pampered, want to be cared for and the list goes on. In short, they need someone to attend to them 24X7. And if someone gives them this attention, which they crave so badly, they are completely in for the person. In fact, this turns out to be an obsession for them. They can chant the name of the person 24X7. It becomes a tiring job for the person sometimes and they can withdraw their support. The moment this individual senses it, panic creates havoc in their life and they end up doing things to get the attention back. As their last resort they self-sabotage the relationship which causes a domino effect that affects several other relationships somehow related to it.

Now the question is, how to handle this situation without losing your sanity. I mean, come on you can’t mother or father a grown up 24×7. You got your life too to take care off to. You too crave for attention, love and support. It’s natural for anybody to expect this in a relationship. And if you don’t get your needs met in your current relationship you are bound to look for it elsewhere.

 My cousin was facing a similar situation. No matter how hard he tried to be a care giver it was always not enough for his friend. In the end he was getting impatient and started spending time away from his friend. The moment his friend sensed it he was facing the venom of his friend’s anger. In the end the friend broke off to teach my cousin a lesson. My cousin was in for a shock. He didn’t know what to do next and went to his friend literally begging to return. This caused a severe blow to their relationship. It wasn’t the same anymore cause now the friend was at the upper hand and would hurt my cousin at the drop of a hat.

 I suggest in such a situation one must be tough. Attachment is the biggest devil in any relationship. It doesn’t allow to grow. Therefore, one should learn to be distant and yet giving in their relationship. This will ultimately help individual growth of both parties. Avoid this wreak as much as possible.

V- Vicious Circle (AtoZbloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

Look at the numerical eight closely. It’s actually two circles adjacent to each other meeting at a point. If you follow the path, no matter which way you take, you will always reach where you started from. This is vicious circle. It’s a loop.

Strange enough if you observe closely, sometimes you do feel that a particular incident has happened earlier too and it’s sort of repetition. Actually, it’s a pattern. If we expand our view a little more into the universe, then we know that all planets universe follows a specific path of their own. Similarly, each one of us behave in a certain way to a given situation. Every time the situation occurs we react in the similar manner. Probably, we don’t know how else to react in the given situation. And thus the consequence of our action is also similar. Unconsciously, we are repeating the same mistake we did earlier and as a consequence open the Pandora box of chain reaction as an aftermath. We unknowingly set up the loop and follow the same set of incident again and again. A vicious circle is thus created and the worst part is, we are part of it unaware. Instead of breaking free from it we keep going round and round with it like a merry-go-round.

It is Karma. Welcome it with open arms and get bashed at every step. Or else crack it down and minimize your karma. Because as long as you are in this viscous circle it’s very painful and toxic. If you want to enjoy the essence of life you got to break free of this vicious circle and lead a happy and healthy life instead. You deserve this happiness.

My friend was going through a similar situation. She was changing jobs very frequently. Her sticktivity was not more than a few months. No matter how hard she tried she would end up losing the job. She had gone so frustrated because of it. This was affecting her savings as well. From staying independently, she had squeezed into paying guest accommodation where she was sharing the room with two more girls. She craved for privacy but could not afford it. Her relationship of eight months with her boyfriend was slowly falling apart because of this. And this was her third relationship in five years.  Marriage was nowhere on cards for her at that time. She was so badly chained in the vicious circle. Hunting job, boyfriend, accommodation was all she was doing for the last couple of years. And the tragic part was she was behaving in the same manner all the while. I felt pity for her.

One day she broke down to me completely saying that she was tired of life. I heard alarm bells. I gave her my full attention for more than a month. Never let her alone. Always supported her, called her up, met her whenever needed. But then I realized this is what I have been doing for her since the last couple of years. I was always there for her whenever she felt miserable. She was banking upon me completely to get her out of this misery. And maybe this is the reason she isn’t changing her ways. She should get her shit together rather falling upon someone. When I realized this, I slowly withdrew my support. Initially she was terrified as hell. As if someone had pulled her out of life support. But soon she realized she had to act alone. And that’s when I saw her actually rectifying her mistakes. For the first time she was stable in a job for almost a year a half. It gave her lots of confidence and it made a difference to her life.

U – Unmask (AtoZbloggingchallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

We all wear mask to forge our actual self. We are at ease at home, professional at work, bindass with friends and similarly, act differently in different set up. For all occasions we have our mask on. In relationships too, we wear mask. In the beginning of the relationship, its different and when some time passes on and we are comfortable with each other then we wear a different mask. But then when do we really show our true self? The one that your soul craves for every time you put on the mask? The one that you don’t have to pretend to be. Just be yourself.

Unmasking yourself takes ounce of strength and hence it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. If you are not happy you need to say it, show it. Not hide behind a mask pretending it’s all fine when it’s not. How will you say to your boss that you are done with the job and ready to call it a day? Or your partner that now you are done with the role and now want to move on. Or to your parents that you are not interested in medical course and want to join photography course. No. It’s not easy.

However, its not impossible either. You need strength and the right words to put across your message to the person. Unmasking is important in life otherwise you will end living someone else’s life while you actually crave to have a life of your own throughout your life.

My boss and I grew up together in the organisation. Actually we started together and eventually got promoted in work. Since we had spent good amount of time together we kind of bonded very well. Like old friends. There were many instances when I found him seeking my advice on certain issues related to work as well as personal issues. I found him acting very different when we were together and when with other colleagues. He was acting more professional with them and it was hindering his rapport with them as a team leader. This was actually bad for team management.  As a result, his team was not performing that well as it should be. I suggested him, as a friend, to change his attitude towards his team mates.

It was then he told me that he was done with this job. He was tired of wearing the best professional mask and now wanted to let himself be free of the tag. He said he didn’t have the courage to say that he wanted to resign and open a restaurant instead that he had always dreamt of. I asked him what was stopping him from doing that. He replied it was “him”. He was afraid to show his real self to the world. He feared whether the world will accept him or not. Whether he will be successful or not. And this fear didn’t allow him to lose what he already has. He was afraid to face the unknown. And hence lived with the mask on, cribbing every day, every hour. Living a life of lies.

T – Torture (AtozBloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

Cruelty has no conscience. They will never consider your sentiments before taking any action. Mental torture is more painful than physical torture. And yet one readily takes medical help for physical torture and seldom do they take any relief for mental torture. Actually, mental torture is more at the hands of people you know, trust, love and belong to, most of the time. So it’s not easy to openly uncover them. And this is where these people take advantage of you.

They kind of know your soft spot and that is where they usually strike. They know they are safe with the victim and hence make their move in a planned manner. Waiting until it is completely safe for them to unmask their true self. That is when you don’t know how to react to it. Whether to dismiss the first strike thinking maybe it is just a blowout. However, that is exactly when that person gets the green flag to further torture you mentally. Don’t assume their lame excuses to be the perfect sorry for their actions it’s just a hype they want to create for themselves. Such people are nasty energy sucking parasites who are here only to suck out the last drop of blood from your body.

My cousin was in a relationship for five years. They were in a livein relationship. When I went to my home town I met him in person. Earlier he was reluctant to even talk to me on phone. We had very good bonding since childhood so I didn’t take his no for an answer and went up straight to meet him in his office. This time he did take out time for me. We went to a nearby coffee shop and talked for about half an hour. I could see he was avoiding all my questions regarding his girlfriend. I also noticed his draining health. He was in a bad shape. He had lost weight and his face looked more like a squeezed pumpkin.

I was wondering if he was really okay as he had said. However, he didn’t disclose anything to me. After that day we didn’t get to meet each other again. Soon the day arrived when I had leave my home town. That day he managed to take an hour off and came to see me off in the railway station. I wasn’t even expecting anyone. As usual I was alone waiting for my train to arrive. I disliked someone seeing me off. And he knew it well yet he came. Since there was time so we sat for a cup of tea. This time I didn’t ask him about his private life. But he didn’t hesitate to share his story with me.

His girlfriend was a complete changeover after they moved in. She was very controlling and even accused him of cheating. He loved her sincerely but her accusations drove him off the limits day by day. They were having more fights than peace. As if it were in a vicious circle. They fought, moved apart made up again only to move apart once more. It was a continuous process since the last five years. They had tried everything to avoid it yet somehow it would always crop up in between them. As if there was no escape from it. In the end it was getting so overwhelming for both of them that neither wanted to continue anymore. And yet both didn’t have the courage to call it quits.

Both were going through this mental torture and they didn’t know how to get over it. I could not give him any suggestion either. Soon my train was announced and I quietly boarded the train. Maybe he will have courage to deal with it someday.

S – Stress (AtoZbloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

It’s now considered part of our lifestyle health. We have grown so used to having stress in all spheres of our life that it sounds acceptable when someone declares that he or she is stressed out.

However, the story doesn’t end here. This where it needs to be addressed under proper medical guidance and care. Actually it is the root of all the health issues in our life. Name it, hair fall, hormonal disorder, over eating, insomnia, anxiety, nervous breakdown, stoke and even heart attack. Diabetes, blood pressure is also the result of neglect stress factor. And yet instead of looking for solution permanently we kind of breadcrumb it with petty solutions that might last only a couple of days or hours and one is back to the same panic mode again. There are a few who won’t even admit they are working under immense pressure until it is a blowout one day. I consider one thing,

If you want inner peace, then

whatever turmoils inside

 needs to be puked out.

My lines, you can always use it if you want to.

She was very certain that whatever decision she takes she will excel in it. However, things didn’t turn out as she had thought. Actually their firm was taken over by their competitor and most of the old employees had resigned. However, my friend thought she could continue with it. It wasn’t that they were throwing out people. In fact, their offer was very lucrative and some of employees had sniffed the catch and resigned. However, my friend didn’t heed to it. She remained with the firm. It was going very hectic for her day by day. The ongoing stress factor was taking a toll on her health. Eventually, a year later she was admitted to hospital with serious mental condition. She had nervous breakdown and recovered slowly after a month or two. Even the doctor suggested that in future if she felt anxious she should act immediately and take proper help. There was no need to be ashamed of or feel inferior.

 It’s okay to feel low and let others know how you feel. Maybe you will get some help and feel better. Stress factors need to be addressed upon rather getting burdened with it.

R – Restriction (AtoZbloggingChallenge2022)

Hey guys I am doing Atozblogging challenge2022. Throughout the month of April I will be writing a post everyday on mental health and issues. Hope you enjoy it.

We all grew up with it. I welcome it but up to a certain limit. After that it becomes intolerable for me. The truth is, restriction when imposed as a discipline I always agree to it. Discipline makes us good human being. It teaches us self-awareness and responsibility. However, restriction when crosses limit can make criminals or rebels. Anything that is over burdening for a person can make the person disoriented. One will always look for ways to escape it or tighten the reins.  

My friend came from a very conservative family. Since young she was taught to be humble and submissive. Her motherly nature was proof of that. She always brought extra tiffin box for us in school so that all can have their fill. Sometimes if I was not present in the classroom during recess she would make sure I got my share of her tiffin. I must mention her mother’s cooking skills was excellent. I didn’t mind asking for second helping. I especially enjoyed the home made sweet mango pickle which she brought with masala paratha. Finger licking good. I am salivating as I am writing.

After school we met after almost two decades. In between we were occasionally in touch with letters but after her marriage she was like completely “Gone with the Wind”. When she resurfaced, she wasn’t what she used to be anymore. Life had been too harsh for her. All the lessons of life that she was taught as a young lady did no good to her. She had learnt the new lessons the hard way.

The restrictions which were imposed on her as a daughter continued even after her marriage too. Rather it was tightened more. Initially she was okay with it blaming her fate but in few years she learnt that if she didn’t take a stand now she never could. Her husband wasn’t supportive at all and her parents had given up on her in a way after wedding her off. She was left to fend for herself. She still didn’t mind it until it was her child who started suffering because of it. That was the time when she realized “Not anymore.”

She started breaking free slowly. It wasn’t easy for her being a small town girl. But deep inside she knew if she gave in now she will never see the light again. Slowly but steadily she continued her flight upwards. From a family who don’t allow girls to go out alone she managed to find a job and become financially independent. She faced accusation from both her family and community but she didn’t give up. Finally, she managed to make a niche for herself in the society respectfully and over the years became a source of inspiration from many. I like what she taught.   

“I don’t put restrictions anymore. I let them be free but also make them realize their responsibilities. I only give my opinion and share my experience. If they like they take it else they can commit a mistake and learn from it. “