Ma ki Seekh! – A mother’s Teachings

I know this article is coming very late. It should have been delivered a few months back. However, my anger has not subsided  yet.

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I wanted to write about it especially when #internationalwomensday is being celebrated all over the world. You will agree with me that it is always the mother who shapes up the thoughts and action of a child. The first lesson a child gets is from his/her mother. She might teach her child by telling stories, assigning them duties, punishing them, helping them , mentoring them. So throughout our life at any one point of time we do remember her teachings and thank her for that. That’s the role mother play in our lives.

So I consider myself fortunate that my Ma taught me to be independent in thoughts, choice, opinions, finance, decisions just about everything I can think of at this moment. She had never questioned my abilities of decision making and taking its responsibility too. I might be correct or I might be wrong. But whatever the result, I know it’s mine and Ma had always been proud of me.

However, I have come across many girls and women who are not fortunate like me. They are dependent. Dependent on their folk be it father, husband, brother, friend or just about anybody else who influence their life in their thoughts, choice, opinions, finance, decisions just about everything I can think of at this moment. So it won’t come as a surprise to me if this article that I am writing after really getting furious, thoughtful and compassionate, won’t ever reach the people for whom I am writing this. Probably because they  don’t use internet, they don’t read blogs, they don’t discuss topics like this or maybe it is not important for them at all.

Imagine a scenario. A girl in her teens getting ready to go out with her female friend. Maybe to tuition classes, birthday party, mall or just about anywhere where SHE IS ALLOWED TO GO AT THAT TIME OF THE DAY. Her mother’s words would be one of these, where are you going, this is not appropriate dressing, with whom are you going, come home in time. This I think every mother does to her daughter and there is nothing bad about it. For the sons the question set will be a little different or none at all. Anyways I won’t doubt a mother’s advice or questions to her child.

My article relates to a different scenario. A daughter experiencing her first menstruation cycle or maybe it is one of her best friend who is experiencing it for the first time. This is definitely a topic of discussion among the teenagers. It could be frightening sometimes like – I was leaking in the classroom or I stained my bed or I am not feeling well. For a girl who is new to this or hasn’t still gone through this phase yet is sure to have nightmares. I had too.

One of my classmate was married off suddenly. Well not really. It was a ritual which they were celebrating when the daughter bleeds for the first time. The  ritual is almost like a marriage ceremony when all the relatives and friends are invited and bring gifts for the girl. The girl is dressed like a bride minus there is no bridegroom. She is confined to her room all the days of her first bleeding and none of the male member including her father is allowed to see her.

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We were too young to understand all this and believed she was married off until she returned to the school after few days, a little embarrassed. She didn’t hide anything from us but what we understood from her tale was terrifying, for me at least. And then one day it happened to me. I started crying thinking something was wrong with me. As a dutiful mother my Ma answered, ”It’s okay! You are an woman now. ” Between the sobs I did ask her “Then what was I before?” She said, “You will understand when you grow up. Period.” That was her way of educating me about the most important phenomenon of my life . I don’t blame her because she too had learned the same way, when she grew up.

Like her there are lots of mothers who may have given more or less similar answers to their daughter’s query. I have come across women who are pretty confused as in how to address their teenage children regarding sex education. But why should I only bracket mothers here, it should be parents as a whole. Most of the parents shy off or shoo off or divert the questions of their teenage children regarding sex education. They leave it to the mercy of school or text books to educate their child regarding this topic or maybe in the hands of time.

In most school syllabus, Biology subject has chapters with elaborate understanding of human organs and its function. There is chapter on human genital parts and its function too. However, this chapter is mostly skipped in the classroom discussion due to our mental inhibition maybe. We are just not comfortable discussing it in the open. However, that does not stop the curiosity. In the absence of proper education these teenagers now either turn to internet or friends which unleashes a different zone all together. The world of half knowledge or fun and pleasure. So the most important education in a child’s life that is sex education is not taught at all but left at the hands of life’s experience or half knowledge.

From here I will go back to the girls. Those girls who are not allowed to make a choice. Turn eighteen they are pushed off to marriage. Mind it they have no knowledge of the most important education of their life and they are about to start a new chapter in their life. Here comes the Ma ki seekh again, mother’s teachings. “Be good to your mother-in-law, respect all the elders and  give affection to all the young ones in your sasural, in-laws place, your man is everything to you now, always keep him happy. Don’t ever, do anything in your sasural that will bring bad name to your parental home.” Finally the innocent, young, sanskari, virtue, girl is off to her sasural amid vidai, a tearful journey of leaving her parental home.

So now what. Does she know anything about contraceptives or how to use it? How can she, she had never asked anyone before nor had anybody told her about it. Neither can she ever question her husband who himself may be in the same bandwagon as her. He is sankari too you see. So being a good wife she conceives within a month or two. Great celebration time! In our part of the world the next nine months people will ecstatically wait for the newborn to be a boy. What if it is not? That is a separate section altogether. So our good girl who is not even twenty years of age mothers her first child. And just like her mother, she will rephrase the lines to raise her child.

This scenario is not confined to the people of lower strata only. Educated from well to do families also have cases  like this. But what if she was given sex education and all the information relating to it. She could have had a choice of actually parenting a baby according to her comfort level. At least a girl should be given this choice whether she wants to be a mother now or later because not just physically she has to prepare herself mentally also to raise a healthy baby. At least she should have a right to it.

But who will educate her of her right to motherhood or her choice. Her mother who had been her driving force behind all her thoughts? Her friends with whom she had shared so many secrets? Her teacher?

Sex education is also any child’s right and I feel it is first a mother’s duty to educate her growing child. Now how she can teach? She has  to be bold enough to answer all the question her child might think of pertaining to that subject. If need be she should direct her child towards the right source from where the child can get complete knowledge about the subject. It should not be a taboo. It is a RIGHT

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How to write my First Novel? – Part of Blog Chatter Writing Festival

How to write my first novel?

It’s a question I have been asked many times before. So here is my answer.

Nobody can teach you how to write a novel. I repeat my words. Nobody can teach you how to write a novel. IT’S ONLY YOU.

Yes, you heard me correct. Only you can teach yourself to write a novel. The reason because writing a novel is all about dedication and discipline and frankly, nobody can teach you that. It comes from within. However, many can motivate you to write or even inspire you. But the ultimate fire has to be within you. That’s the first step towards writing your first novel.

I have come across many of my friends and acquaintance who tell me they have this plot in their head that would make the next best sellers. But alas! They don’t know how to put it on pen and paper. Sometimes they even approach me if I could listen to them and plot it in one of my stories.

I am so glad you said that dear. But it’s not the plot I am excited about but the character in your mind that is giving you restless nights. Of course, it wants to see the light of the day. Give it a chance.

This is the FIRE that you shouldn’t extinguish in any way. This is what is going to lead you to your bestseller one day.

When you have something in your mind, no matter how rough it maybe, put it down on the paper, laptop, notepad or just wherever you want to scribble. Just make sure you return back to it soon enough.

This is how you keep it ignited.

When you return to what you have written at that point of time it might look very absurd to you or maybe it is not up to the mark what you actually wanted it to be. That’s perfectly FINE. Don’t tear it off or destroy it. It should be there to stay along with much more to come.

Exactly. You heard me right. Make a new one. Add all the changes you want to make. Put it the way you want it to be. Add a few more changes here and there. That’s it. You can see something taking shape now. Maybe it’s too early to say whether it’s the beginning, middle or the end of your novel but it definitely is something very important to your story which has touched you so much that you had taken so much effort to pen down your thoughts.

So enjoy the beginning of your novel writing. Don’t worry about where it is leading to. Let it be. As a creator, you just follow the sequence that comes next. Just make sure you spend once every day with your plot. Even if you write the same thing again and again. No problem. It is coming out better. At the back of your mind, it is working out a good plot. So make sure you follow the discipline of writing your first novel. With discipline and dedication, you shall draft your first novel one day.

Oh! So one fine day you find out you don’t have anything else to write. But what’s going to happen to the novel you just started? Come on it’s going to be your first goddamn novel. It can’t end in just a few paragraphs. Gosh!

Don’t get anxious. Be happy. You are just entering the metamorphosis of a writer – The writer’s block. So your muse is gone, you have no clue what’s going on, you cannot write anything. Nothing is coming to your mind.

Just relax!

It’s a phase all writers come across. You should celebrate this moment because now you are showing the indication of being one of them. Go shopping, watch movies, read books. Do everything that you enjoy to do. Just let the anxiety of writing your first novel get dissolved in your merry time. Don’t be afraid if it takes a few days or weeks.

Now when everything seems so good, return back to your novel. You will find all new things ready to be added to it. So start writing. Don’t worry about the punctuations or grammar at this point. You will get lots of time for edits. First concentrate on finishing the first draft of your first novel.

The day you finish it, give a treat to self. A good treat. For now, you are just at the beginning of actually writing your novel.

Leave your draft unattended for some time. Let it settle down. You will see your pangs to shout it to the world about it. No harm in that. But just don’t push the publish button without polishing your craft.

So here comes your first round, second round and third round of self-edit before you send it to a professional editor and get it properly edited.

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Lipstick Wale Sapne…. A moment in my life

The Diary Of A Rolling Stone

I went to watch Lipstick Under My Burkha (LUMB)

220px-Lipstick_Under_My_Burkha_(2017) Lipstick Under My Burkha

Before I tell you what the movie is about I would like to share my experience of going out to watch this movie.

Ten years into marriage now and I have skipped all the movies I ever wanted to watch on the silver screen. The reason is not different than many of yours. I love to watch off beat movies mostly and that does not pull in family viewing at all especially when you have kids in the house. So in theaters, I always end by watching movies which are treat to eyes of the kids which implies superman, flying Jatt etc. While I usually watch my TBV list on TV with CDs – pirated most of the time.

LUMB was a big change from all these things in my life. I boldly announced to my family…

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Grow up Messy : review

LiteraMuse Blog

I generally don’t read children books but there was something engaging in the title which made me sign up for the blog tour, that’s how impulsive I am (till date :P), but I am glad I picked this book. It will be a roller coaster ride filled with innocence, your childhood.

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Childhood is considered to be the best time of one’s life.What if you get a chance to live it once more with a five-year-old?
Misry, a naughty five-year-old girl, lives with her parents in a B.S.F border outpost near Indo-Bangladesh border. But with no schools and friends she feels very lonely. She tries to befriend some local village kids. But they find her incompetent in their rural antics. They nickname her Messy as most of the time she messes up their plan.Can Misry really be a part of the gang? Set in the early eighties, join Misry in the…

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TV, Mobile & Kids. Is that you?

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I have a kids book reading club and most of the time I have the parents asking me this question time and again, ” How to make the child interested in reading books?” So  I have written this article for them which I am sure can help.

Two decades back it was an easy sight to watch a child with story books in hand. We have grown up reading Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Enid Blyton and Mills & Boons. Reading books had been part of our lives and there was so much we imagined when reading these books. Right from fairy tales, to magical world to adventure stories of the sea, books had given us a big world of imagination. The characters stood alive in front of our eyes taking us to a new adventure along. Our summer vacation always started with a to-be-read list of books. Comics like Amar Chitra Katha, Chacha Choudhary, Tintin, Phantom were a big favorite of children at that time. Even the adults indulged in story telling sessions. I remember my childhood when all the children of the colony would assemble in my granny’s room in the evenings to listen to her stories. She would narrate tales of mythologies, folklore and fairy tales and all of us would just listen to her mesmerized.

Things have changed today. Granny’s storytelling sessions are now replaced by games on iPad or smart phones, books have been replaced by YouTube and TV channels and our living rooms, which decades back used to be the meeting place of all the family members in the evenings has now been replaced by smart televisions that have two screens running with two different channels at the same time. Whatsapp and Facebook updates have replaced our family discussions. It’s only the TV or apps on Smartphones that do the speaking in the living room now while the family members are mute spectators only.

Children don’t read books nowadays because they have never seen an adult reading a book. I remember my parents always with a novel in their hand most of the time when at home. Whenever they got a time out of their work they would love to indulge in reading books, magazines or newspaper. So as a child, I was familiar with the presence of books at home. Right from spiritual to Epics to thrillers and dramas, the collection of books, by my parents was huge. However, if we talk about today, most of the parents don’t read books at home. They read emails, whats app messages or Facebook updates most of the time. So a child easily becomes familiar with these instead.

So it is us, the parents, the adults at home, whom the child watches and behaves accordingly. If you want your child to love reading books then you got to love it first. You can easily start this by choosing a reading den in your house. Remember, how your daddy loved to spend long evening hours sitting in the easy chair in the corner of the drawing room reading his favorite author. Find out a similar corner for yourself in your home. Here are few things you need to make yourself comfortable there. A chair to sit comfortably, reading lights and a book shelf where you can keep your favorite author’s book. Once you are ready, sit with your favorite beverage and make yourself comfortable with a book in your hand. The first day, the second day, the third day I bet your child will follow you there with his favorite story book.

Kids are like the wet cement. Whatever you imprint on their mind will remain with them forever. Your work does not end here. Once you find your child has shown interest in reading books you have to make his books accessible to him everywhere in the house. The reason because children are restless and they won’t spend more than few minutes in one place, unlike the adults. So make a similar den for them in those areas where they access more like the living room, balcony, their room, dining area or play room. Unlike adults they don’t need much, just the bookcase, couch or rugs with few throw pillows on the floor are more than enough for them. kids-1136296__340

They will shift their positions many times while reading so they need space. One thing that you must always take care of is the reading light. Whichever place your child choose to sit and read should have adequate reading light otherwise it may affect the eyes. A bookcase near the child’s bed is always a good idea. You can always read him out a story before putting him to sleep. This will help him develop the habit of the reading book before going to sleep. As a parent, you have to ensure a good supply of books for your child. If the bookshelves don’t have new books the reading habit may suffer. You can do that by taking your child to bookstores once a month, or book fairs or you can even sign up with some children book clubs online. There are several Book Clubs online nowadays. Choose one which is nearby your area and join in the physical meetups. This will help increase interaction among the like-minded souls and the children will develop an interest in books in a better way.learning-164332__340

Today ebooks are the trend in the market. When the world is digitized so are the books. With free reading apps, it is very easy to read books on iPad or Smartphone or any other gazettes. Moreover, it is easier to make children read ebooks as they are already gazette freak. Ebooks ease the need of stacking physical books. You can carry thousands of books at a time with the ebook readers like kindle, kobo, nook. Audiobooks are also in trend these days wherein a book is in audio format and the reader is a listener. This is especially useful for those kids who are unable to read on their own. By listening to the narration they can enjoy the book. It also enhances their listening skills.iPad-Mock-up-ebook1 copy

Below is the list of few Indian writing paperbacks and ebooks that can be an interesting read for your child.

  1. Grow Up Messy! by Paromita Goswami ( Ages 10+)
  2. Malgudi daysby R. K Narayan  (Ages 10+)
  3. The Rusty Series by Ruskin Bond (Ages 10+)
  4. The Conch Bearer by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, (Ages 8+)
  5. His share of sky by Rashmi Narzary (Ages 10+)
  6. Amar Chitra Katha is all time favorite of the kids and can also teach them mythology, Indian history, and moral stories.
  7. Bookasura #2: Koobandhee by Arundhati Venkatesh (Ages 3+)
  8. Hardy Boys by Franklin W. Dixon (Ages 11+)
  9. Famous Five by Enid Blyton (Ages 11+)
  10. Nancy Drew by Carolyne Keene (Ages 11+)

All these books are available on Amazon.in.

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‘Start marketing your book way before it is published,’ says author Paromita Goswami

The following post first appeared in

http://www.tbcblogtours.com/2017/05/start-marketing-your-book-way-before-it.html

What are the challenges of a debutante author in marketing their first book? And how to overcome them?
Okay, so you wrote a book. Congratulations! The hours of sitting and plotting out your novel, the sleepless nights with your character’s conflict and the tons of times your family and friends might have looked at you with disapproval are finally going to vanish with the new book baby in your hands. There is no doubt that your family and friends will be the first one to shout on top of their voice that we have a new author in the rising. You will be more excited when your book’s sales start rolling in and your book ranking is pacing fast towards the bestseller chart. Wow! You made it. Yahoo!
Is this what actually happens? I am afraid to say no. We all would love to see it happen that way but
it just won’t happen on its own. It will last as long as you have the support of your friends and family. And after the first month, the sales will come down drastically. And then you have to look out for the genuine readers for your book. And that’s when marketing your book comes in. Like all the other products, that you see in the market, your book needs advertising too. Now, what would be the probable challenges you could face as a debutante author in marketing your first book? This is what we are going to discuss today.
The first challenge is visibility. As they say, “Show to sell”. So make your book visible in all goddamn places one could reach. Of course, offline it won’t be possible, but yes through online promotions it can be possible. Luckily, there are many agencies that offer both offline and online promotions these days. That also calls for the good amount of investment. Moreover, you also have to check out the credential of the agency before investing, otherwise you may end up paying to bogus companies.
Second is getting reviews. Today majority of buyers check out the reviews before purchasing a product and that is applicable to books as well. If you are a debutant then getting a good reviewer is also a big challenge. Mind it when I say good reviewer it means someone who has a good fan following and whose reviews turn into sales. Definitely, you will come across many people who claim to be a reviewer, but know nothing about the art of writing a good review. A review should not be just the synopsis of your book and a rating on a scale of five, it should also be able to show how
different your book is why it should be picked up to read. You should try to get reviews before your book is out in the market so that you have good things to talk about your book in the market. Give out ARC copies to reputed reviewers way in advance.
The third is doing book events across major Indian cities. It is a trend now that an author usually does book tours. The major problem is getting a viewer for the book launch or book reading in a different city other than yours. Sum it up as how many people you know in that city and out of those how many would turn up for your book show and out of them how many will pick up your book. A debutante’s first book may not have that pull. So it is better to tie up with an established author or book club in that city and then do your book tour. This way you will surely connect with some genuine book lovers in that city and create a base for your upcoming books.

 

 

In The Name Of Ritual

In support of Sonu Nigam’s tweet. I had written it in 2014.

The Diary Of A Rolling Stone

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I was glad that my neighborhood offered everything I needed for raising up my kid. A secure environment, friendly neighbors, wide open space for children play area , school, hospital and market place just at walking distance from my place.

What more could I have asked for after shifting to a small town from a big metro? I really liked the stretch of vacant roads which was otherwise never available in metro city. Fresh veggies from the nearby field brought by local women in the morning everyday was a boon unlike the weekly Wednesday market in the metro wherein I loaded my fridge with veggies for the whole week ahead. I also enjoyed the guava tree in the backyard and the sparrows chirping the entire day which refreshed back memories of my childhood.

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In my enthusiasm I completely overlooked the Baraat ghar (community hall) in my neighborhood    . At the very…

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From The Pages of my Old Diary

Happy Bengali New Year’s Day.

Paromita Goswami

There was a time when I use to do micro poetry. But over the years many things have changed. Tomorrow is Bengali New Year’s Day and on the occasion a small event is being conducted by our community. Each one of us have been asked to say few words from their old diary. This is mine which is dated 20.3.1998 in the page of my diary.

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I have never before typed in Hindi. I am pretty familiar with the language but with pen and paper. This is my first attempt on computer so pardon me because I don’t know how to type the words.

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From The Pages of my Old Diary

There was a time when I use to do micro poetry. But over the years many things have changed. Tomorrow is Bengali New Year’s Day and on the occasion a small event is being conducted by our community. Each one of us have been asked to say few words from their old diary. This is mine which is dated 20.3.1998 in the page of my diary.

shayad

I have never before typed in Hindi. I am pretty familiar with the language but with pen and paper. This is my first attempt on computer so pardon me because I don’t know how to type the words.

And I came across the king…

Isn’t it strange? I have been watching his movies chewing my nails with my eyes rolling around most of the time to see if there was anyone standing right behind me. Gosh! Scary horror movies have always been my favorite time pass during my school summer vacation. Not that I knew about many English directors or Hollywood actors but they had this thrill in their horror movies which I always found missing in our Bollywood movies. Even the famous  Zee TV show of Ramsay Production didn’t excite as did most of the Hollywood horror movies.

I am more of a visual person and hence what I have seen once in safely saved in my memory. And one such memory is of Pet Sematary. It was the story of a family that had shifted to a new home and just when you thought everything was going perfect all hell broke loose. For weeks I was so disturbed by the movie that I could hardly sleep at night. Even strange was I had picked up the movie just by its title. I had no idea about the actors or director of the movie. It was only the title that drew my attention. Those were the days when we use to watch videos in VCP in our bedroom with all the curtains of the windows drawn in to darken the room when it was broad daylight outside. Most of the times it was me and my sisters insanely staring at the TV screen to see what would be the next scene. A slight knock on the door would startle us like anything and nights use to scare the hell of us.

Today after so many decades, I watched a movie trailer on Facebook that was shared by one of my friends. It was of the upcoming movie “IT” written by Stephen King, The king of horror. I have never read Stephen King but today the trailer made me fall in love with his work. He is a terrific storyteller. And then my search for his other work started  on the internet. I came across Pet Sematary and I remembered how it had left me frightened for weeks. So I may not have read his books but his movies did keep me hitched. Like this time it was the trailer of IT.

I am trying my hands on supernatural, paranormal this time. And sincerely hope that I may  incite similar feelings in my reader with my work. Wish me good luck!

 

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A still from the movie Pet Sematary

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